3 Ways to Overcome Social Anxiety Through Fitness

A few years ago I missed out on an opportunity to go to a really awesome conference. Why? Because I was scared I’d be the stupidest person in the room. Because I was scared that my ideas and my thoughts would be laughed at. Because I was scared that I’d be the ugliest and/or fattest female there. So instead of attending the conference, I gave up my spot and a coworker of mine went instead.

So I know first hand that the embarrassment and the self-consciousness that one feels can be crippling. Social anxiety is no joke. It negatively affects all aspects of your life including your relationships and your career. You end up missing out on so much because you can’t cope with it all. And in many cases, like my own, the anxiety can lead to or contribute to other problems like depression, eating disorders and body dysmorphia.

Now my case might not be as extreme as others, but the anxiety and the fear and the helplessness I feel is very real for me. I was too worried and scared of judgement, so I lived a good portion of my life behind a filter. Everyone saw a toned down version of my thoughts and actions. I mostly kept to myself. I stayed quiet and out of the spotlight.

“The anxiety and the fear and the helplessness I feel is very real for me.”

— BOLD+FIT

A few years ago I decided to do some serious life-hacking. I set out to confront my fears and place myself into situations that made me uncomfortable. I forced myself to do things that scared me. And since I had a secondary goal of losing weight, many of the activities I chose revolved around fitness. Now, I didn’t expect for my anxiety to fully go away. But by being in these situations, I learned to cope with the stress and discomfort. I learned to silence the voices in my head, at least long enough to get through a tough situation. I told myself, “If I could get through this one activity I will call today a success." And it turns out, these little successes add up and are a great confidence booster. Challenging myself in this way has dramatically improved my life.

Here are my top three fears that I conquered and how to do it:

1. Take a fitness class, or two, or three

Fitness classes are a great way to silence the voices in your head. During class you are constantly focussed on the instructor telling you what to do next. If you allow yourself to fully participate, you can get lost in the movement. New classes will have the added benefit of learning something new which can keep your mind from wandering to negative thoughts. If you do catch your thoughts drifting, remember that everyone there shares a similar goal: to have fun and get fit. They aren't there to judge you.

Getting to class can be a challenge in itself for someone that suffers from social anxiety. So start small, make a pact with yourself to just show up. For me, taking a new class is both exciting and terrifying. I know I'm going to have fun because I love a good workout, but scared because I'll feel embarrassed and shy because I might not be good or I'll somehow fail. But if your goal is to just show up and you do that, you will feel accomplished. And that feeling usually leads to a confidence boost that can push you to actually attend the class.

As an extra bonus, make it a challenge to introduce yourself to someone in the class! You'll be surprised how friendly people are. The girls that I have met through my weightlifting classes have become some of my closest friends!

2. Reach out to those who influence you

I followed 3 women who positively influenced my fitness journey. I looked to them because they had the attitude and confidence that I so wanted in my life. And they kept it real. But I was used to admiring them from afar. I liked their photos on Instagram, read their blogs and even downloaded their apps. I was the ultimate fangirl. But at some point I realized that these are real women who live real lives. So I decided to reach out to them. I was nervous and scared at first, but I felt like if I could do this then I could handle other social encounters.

So I mustered enough courage to reach out to those women. And you know what? It turned out great! I met with Erin (@neverbendeasy) for dinner. We had a great chat about overcoming challenges and what motivates and drives her to success. After an awesome skype call with Joanne (@gofitjo) I ended up taking a SoulCycle class with her. A new class and meeting a new person all in one day = success! And though I haven't met her yet, I’ve already contacted Mickey (@plantsandplanks) to see if we can have lunch together. And you know what? I was able to manage and deal with the anxiety. And even though I was nervous and shy, I got through it.

Me and Joanne (@gofitjo) before our soulcycle class

3. Find a sport and compete

During my freshman year I tried out for the dance and drill team. I had never been so filled with anxiety before. Somehow I managed to get through it and made it to the second cut. But the experience of the first tryout was so traumatizing that I didn't show up for the next one. I was so embarrassed and disappointed in myself because I so badly wanted to be on the team.

And this memory lived with me for a long time. So I decided it was time to prove to myself that I was better than that by picking a sport and competing in it. That is how I found Crossfit and Olympic weightlifting.

When you compete you feel exposed. All eyes are watching you and you are expected to perform well. You are putting yourself out there for judgement. By competing, you learn to anticipate nerves and control them when it counts. You develop the mental fortitude necessary to block out the negativity. During competition there's no room for self-doubt so you learn to believe in yourself and your abilities. And that is a lesson worth learning.

“During competition there’s no room for self-doubt so you learn to believe in yourself and your abilities. And that is a lesson worth learning.”

— BOLD+FIT

And at the end of the day, competing is fun because you are surrounded by some crazy strong individuals who are all pushing out of their comfort zone!